I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
