She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he thought i was a dude.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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