omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
