I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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