Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
