My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
