Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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