you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
