now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
