Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
