I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
