People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
