when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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