My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize