Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
