we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
