Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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