The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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