How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
