She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
