This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
