i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
