There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i dont even know how to be here
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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