Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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