Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
