she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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