It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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