Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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