Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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