yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
