Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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