OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
