bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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