He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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