I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
