i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize