I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
