He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Randomize
