broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
