it hurts more in the daytime
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
