if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have aggressive nipples.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
