I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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