She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
