please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
