just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
