Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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