did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize