Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
