Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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