And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
