she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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