I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
