Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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