I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
