I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
