Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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