Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
