Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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