i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
