Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
