I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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