hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
