The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
