i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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