thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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