Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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