hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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