dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
