I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
