it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
