Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
whose ass print is on the piano?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
