Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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