the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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