i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
