She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
