I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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