I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
