it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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